Coral Gables A’s Stories: So Good to See You!

The Coral Gables A's renewed a rivalry and played an instant classic.

The Coral Gables A’s, America’s funniest men’s league baseball team, have started a new season fresh off a championship loss a few months ago. That loss came against Team Venezuela, who is essentially an offshoot of South Dade Suela, a team we’ve done battle with for years and years and years. Last year, we left the league we used to be in with Suela, switching over to the league Team Venezuela is in. It would appear Suela just missed us too much; they too have now switched over to our new league. 

We played them in the third week of the season. It’s been a while since we saw our biggest rivals across the field in the other dugout. How would this one play out? As usual, it came down to the wire. 

How the Turntables

Suela gets every edge they can. They’re plenty talented and can beat you by just showing up and playing a good, clean nine innings. But they can also set themselves up through petty tactics. 

In the championship series from a few months ago, Team Venezuela’s manager, who also runs Suela, tried to win Game 1 via forfeit because they were ready before us. The commissioner of the league gave both teams the option of starting the game half an hour earlier than what was scheduled. They said yes. We said no. They had their guys ready at the new time they agreed to. We didn’t, ‘cause we didn’t agree. The game started at the originally scheduled time, and in the 8th inning they notified the commish that they were protesting the game. What a coincidence that we had just taken the lead when they protested!

Their protest failed on account of it being dumb. Their on-the-field product is filled with fake tags, stolen signs, blocked bases, subtle interference, constant bitching, and pretty much every single other Bush League move you can think of. It is what it is. You can’t let them get under your skin because, in the end, that’s all they’re really after. It’s a poor form of gamesmanship, in my opinion, but it is gamesmanship, nonetheless. 

In our latest game against Suela, they were now the ones who showed up late. They had five people in their dugout at gametime. Cinco. Cinq. 10 minutes passed and they had seven. 20 minutes after gametime: eight players. I have never seen anything like this from them, as Suela typically comes stocked with 20 or so players to every game. Not sure what happened that day. 

The game should’ve been a forfeit at that point, and I know damn well they would’ve been insisting on this if the roles were reversed. The commissioner happened to be there, probably eager to see the newest addition to his league, Suela, in action. We told him enough is enough; they don’t have a full team and the game should’ve started already. He said the first game of the day, which was us, gets a 30-minute grace period if they’re not ready at the scheduled time. The proceeding games get smaller grace periods. I’ve never heard of this in my life and I was pretty sure he made that shit up on the spot, but according to Nick, our manager, he’s mentioned that before. Whatever. A few more of their players rolled in just before the deadline. Game on. 

Lucky > Good

On the mound for us was Willy. Willy’s first outing of the season came in our opener, against the aforementioned Team Venezuela. He dealt in that game, allowing no runs through four innings and striking out five. We had a lot of pitchers ready to go in this game, however, so he wouldn’t have to pitch more than a few innings. 

They got on the board in the first with a double and a single, making it 1-0. X, our shortstop, led off the bottom of the 1st  with a sharp single. I followed him with a ball that I chopped into the ground towards first base. This is normally a routine play, but since the first baseman was covering X and was positioned shallower than usual, the ball bounced right over his head and rolled down the line for a double. I’ll take it. 

Amed, a utility player, came up and Suela brought the infield in. This is a bold move in the 1st inning, and lucky for us, it backfired. Amed muscled a ball over the second baseman that would have been caught had the infield been playing at their normal depth. X scored on the play and I advanced to third. 

Matt, another utility guy, came up after Amed and stung a ball between third and short…or so I thought. I broke for home on contact like a stupid asshole, thinking this ball would be in the hole. It wasn’t. The third baseman broke to his left and snatched it, then threw me out at home plate by a million feet. Dumb mistake. 

Fabian, a first baseman, was now up, and after Matt advanced on a passed ball, he smoked a single to centerfield that brought Matt around to score. The score held there. 2-1, us. 

On the Mound and in the Box

Willy worked a scoreless 2nd inning, which was highlighted by Brayan, our catcher, frying a wannabe base stealer at second and Willy picking off another runner. Yuca got plunked to lead off the bottom half of the 2nd, then Wes, an infielder, walked. Adrian, a middle infielder who fills in for us from time to time, laid down a perfect bunt to move the runners to second and third. This brought Willy to the plate. 

Our first game of the season saw Willy do it with his arm and his bat, and that trend continued in this game. Willy drove a ball over the left fielder and brought both runs in, making it 4-1. We were able to keep the rally going and load the bases after that, but an inning-ending double play kept the score at 4-1.

Insert Mike

Mike, our ace, came in to relieve Willy. He would have thrown a scoreless 3rd, but a costly error brought two unearned runs in, making it 4-3. Yuca, Brayan, and Fabian reached base consecutively to load the bases with one out in the bottom of the 3rd, but we didn’t capitalize. Still 4-3. 

Things went a little off the rails for us in the top of the 4th. As I’ve pointed out many times, Suela/Team Venezuela hitters can battle. Like, battle their asses off. It’s very difficult to strike them out, as every hitter in their lineup chokes up and shortens their swing with two strikes, just looking to spoil good pitches and spray a line drive somewhere. Or draw a walk. 

Three singles, a walk, and good situational hitting produced two runs for them. Nothing was hit especially hard, but it got the job done. They were now winning 5-4.

Insert the Devil Himself

Suela brought in their ace in the bottom of the 4th, who pitched in the Phillies organization for several years. Their starter was whatever. We’ve seen him before and we usually do pretty well off him. Their ace? Not so much. Here are just a few of his highlights against us.

11-inning no-hitter in the championship game of a national tournament.

Complete game shutout in championship game of our home league, with 18 strikeouts.

Complete game shutout in semifinals of our home league, with 14 strikeouts.

A win in the final game we ever played in our old league, before we left to this new one (we did not leave in order to get away from him or Suela, as much as it might seem like that. We ain’t no bitches.).

I can’t remember a game we've won against Suela in which he pitched. There might be one or two, just due to the sheer volume of games we’ve faced him, but I can’t remember any of them. This dude’s the Grim Reaper. 

Well I’ll be Damned

He retired the first two batters of the 4th inning, bringing me up with two outs. He really has no obvious flaws as a pitcher, but his greatest strength is his slider. It’s a Major League-caliber pitch that he throws hard and sharp, in any count, for a strike or a ball, depending on what he wants to do. He’s struck me out with it about 5,000 times. 

Obviously I’m sitting slider. One of the many problems with this pitcher, though, is that he’s not just nasty, but smart as well. He clearly anticipated me thinking off-speed, so he threw a fastball right down the middle for strike one. Great. Now I’m thinking the slider is definitely on its way. Second pitch? Fastball down the middle that I swung late on for a foul ball. Strike two. 

Alright. None of that shit anymore. He wasn’t going to surprise me with the heat a third time. If he came with the slider or changeup (which is also very good), so be it, but I wasn’t about to be late on a fastball. 

He got a little too cute trying to outsmart me. He came with another fastball on 0-2, middle away. I barreled it up and drove it over the left centerfield fence. Never taken this guy deep in my life, though I’ve come close a few times. This one was a no-doubter. 5-all.

Back-and-Forth

Suela tacked on a run in the 5th to take the lead once again. 6-5. In the bottom half, Dee, an infielder, got us started by roping a double into the right centerfield gap. Matt then brought him in with a line drive over the second baseman. That base hit is below. 6-6 at the end of the 5th. 

We brought in Amed in the top of the 6th. He faced no real threat, working around a hit batter and striking one out in a scoreless inning. Things got spicy in the bottom half, as they always do at some point when we play Suela. 

Yuca KO

Wes drew a walk to start the 6th. Mike hit a single two batters later to put men on first and second with one out. X came up with a chance to give us the lead. The second pitch of the at bat got away from their pitcher, sailing over the catcher and umpire. Wes broke for third on the obvious wild pitch, but unfortunately, the ball ricocheted off the padded backstop and bounced right back to the catcher. He didn’t even have to run after it. Their catcher throws well, and he gunned down Wes in a bang-bang play at third. Awful luck. Still, we had the go-ahead run in scoring position after the other runner advanced to second. 

X got it to a full count. Every so often, their pitcher will drop down and throw a pitch sidearm; yet another thing you have to worry about. X took a fastball on the inner half a little off the plate for the third ball. On the 3-2 pitch, their pitcher slung a fastball from a lower angle that landed in what looked like the exact same spot. Yet this time, the umpire rang him up for strike three. 

Our bench erupted, led by Yuca, our OG and spiritual leader. It certainly looked like a ball from my vantage point in the on-deck circle. It wasn’t that it was absurdly inside, it’s just that the pitch prior looked to be in an identical location, and that one was a ball. Inconsistency is the easiest and fastest way to get hitters to hate the home plate umpire. 

Yuca would not be calmed down. The umpire finally had enough and tossed him. It was at this point that he unleashed one of the funniest insults I’ve ever heard in my life, especially directed at an umpire. In the heat of their argument, with people trying to hold him back from causing a bigger ruckus, Yuca called the umpire un peste a culo. He told the umpire he stunk like ass. Not stink, as in, bad at his job. Stink, like, he physically stinks. Like an ass. Schoolyard insults go hard when you’re in third grade, and they go just as hard when you’re an adult. You don’t come back from someone calling you a peste a culo. It was an incredible way to cap off an ejection. 

Let’s Make This Short and Sweet

We were notified that, due to the late start, the 7th inning would be the last one of the game. Yuca’s shenanigans ate up some time too. Amed had no issues in the 7th, keeping the score tied, 6-6. We would now have a chance to walk it off on Suela, which I don’t think we’ve ever done. 

I was leading off the inning. After the fastball-fastball-fastball approach my last at bat, which ended up with a tank job, I could have bet any amount of money that I wouldn’t see anything straight this time around. First pitch would be a slider, and knowing their pitcher likes to get ahead, it would be for a strike. Throwing it for a strike makes it flatter, generally, and much better to hit. Not like when he throws it with two strikes looking for you to swing and miss, and he can pull it down and hard so it lands in the dirt. The get-me-over was coming, guaranteed.

When it’s your day, it’s your day. In came a slider that crossed belt-high over the heart of the plate, and out went the ball over the centerfield fence. First pitch. Ballgame. The Coral Gables A’s win, 7-6. 

I’m not really one for pimping home runs or doing any dancing around the bases, and that wouldn’t change here, regardless of the situation. Matter of fact, I made it extra uncool because I just barely nicked first base on my way to second, since I was watching to see if the ball went out. I stopped halfway to second and retreated in order to touch first again. Suela would absolutely be the team to appeal if they felt I didn’t touch first on a walk-off bomb. I wasn’t going to open the door to any nonsense. This was one of the best games I've ever played at any level and I would be receiving full credit for it, thank you very much.

Your Coral Gables A’s move to 2-1 on the season in a thrilling victory over Suela. Here’s hoping this kind of game can happen in the playoffs one of these days!

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