What 2026 MLB Managers Look Like
- Sheehan Planas-Arteaga
- Apr 16
- 3 min read
What 2026 's MLB managers look like they do for a living.
I did one of these a few years back, for the 2023 crop of skippers. There are a lot of new faces on this list as managers have come and gone. Here's what the 2026 MLB managers look like they would do for a living if they weren't shepherding their dugouts.
NL East
Clayton McCullough - Miami Marlins
Longtime owner of a famous summer camp.
Walt Weiss - Atlanta Braves
Runs a bar in Key West.
Blake Butera - Washington Nationals
The US’s best hope at an Olympic medal in ping pong. Came in 5th.
Rob Thomson - Philadelphia Phillies
Poker pro. Nicknamed "Royal Rob" after a Royal Flush he flipped in the 1998 WSOP.
Carlos Mendoza - New York Mets
Former Latino heartthrob from a 90s teen sitcom.
NL West
Tony Vitello - San Francisco Giants
Owns his own mushroom business and don’t you dare talk to him about vaccines.
Torey Lovullo - Arizona Diamondbacks
In waste management. Spends copious amounts of money on steaks he stores in his garage freezer.
Dave Roberts - Los Angeles Dodgers
Portfolio manager. Loves hot yoga.
Craig Stammen - San Diego Padres
Up-and-coming U.S. congressman from South Carolina whose Senate campaign is in trouble over him allegedly smoking marijuana in college.
Warren Schaeffer - Colorado Rockies
Second in line to take over his father’s construction business. Was a backup linebacker at the university where his father is a massive donor.
NL Central
Don Kelly - Pittsburgh Pirates
First in line for that construction business (see: Warren Schaeffer). Big pickleball guy.
Pat Murphy - Milwaukee Brewers
Small town sheriff. Strongly prefers college basketball to the NBA.
Craig Counsell - Chicago Cubs
Backup point guard who hit a big shot for his high school in the 2001 state title game. Now teaches Algebra at that school.
Terry Francona - Cincinatti Reds
Owns a fishing charter company.
Oliver Marmol - St. Louis Cardinals
Bartender at a nightclub. Can do the tricks with the throwing bottles in the air and stuff.
AL East
John Schneider - Toronto Blue Jays
O-line coach at the University of Georgia. Zac Brown’s brother.
Kevin Cash - Tampa Bay Rays
High school guidance counselor. On-again, off-again with one of the English teachers.
Aaron Boone - New York Yankees
Head of IT. Not the friendliest. If you need help with something it’s better to ask Tim.
Alex Cora - Boston Red Sox
Sales Manager at a Miami Kia dealership.
Craig Albernaz - Baltimore Orioles
Terry Francona’s son who is slowly taking over the family fishing charter business as the old man slows down.
AL West
Mark Kotsay - Athletics
Former NASCAR driver. Swears by the carnivore diet.
Skip Schumaker - Texas Rangers
Stuntman. Most of his work comes from being Jason Statham’s body double.
Dan Wilson - Seattle Mariners
Actor whose big movie role was as a loving father and husband on the surface who ended up being the killer the town was looking for.
Kurt Suzuki - Los Angeles Angels
Chiropractor. Don’t get him started on acupuncture unless you want to argue for half an hour.
Joe Espada - Houston Astros
Police officer. Knows his career batting average in the police softball league (.725).
AL Central
Derek Shelton - Minnesota Twins
Comedian whose insult routine played well in the 90s, but doesn’t now because of “cancel culture.”
Will Venable - Chicago White Sox
Owner of a “network marketing” agency that is totally not a pyramid scheme, why would you even say that?
Matt Quatraro - Kansas City Royals
Wheat farmer. If you've known him for more than a month, you've heard the story of him meeting Bobby Knight.
Stephen Vogt - Cleveland Guardians
Roofer. Loves Adam Sandler movies. Every single one of them.
A.J. Hinch - Detroit Tigers
Investment banker who cannot believe Joe Espada just pulled him over for doing 65 in a 40.
Comments