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What 2023 MLB Managers Look Like

What 2023's MLB managers would do for a living if they weren't skippers.

What do MLB managers look like they do for a living?

The Morning Blitz did a similar bit a few months ago, about NFL head coaches. This inspired me. Here's what the 2023 crop of MLB managers look like they do for a living, if they weren't writing lineup cards.


NOTE: some of these guys have been fired and/or have moved onto different teams. These look-alikes are about the managers of the 2023 season.

 

NL East

Skip Schumaker, MLB manager and YouFit trainer

Skip Schumaker- Head trainer at your local YouFit.



Buck Showalter, MLB manager and HS football legend

Buck Showalter- Legendary college football coach, recently fired after allegations of player abuse.



Brian Snitker, MLB manager and 80s sitcom character.

Brian Snitker- Played the dopey neighbor on a popular '80s sitcom.



Rob Thomson, MLB manager and Buck Showalter's DC

Rob Thomson- Buck Showalter's longtime DC who replaced him as HC after Buck got canned.



Dave Martinez, MLB manager and nightclub owner

Dave Martinez- Owns a nightclub. Big Affliction t-shirt guy.


NL Central

Craig Counsell, MLB manager and health influencer.

Craig Counsell- Health and longevity influencer. Hasn't had a sip of alcohol since '88. Loves his toe shoes.



David Bell, MLB manager and youth pastor.

David Bell- Youth pastor. Allegedly never curses, though some claim to have seen him in a filthy shouting match with his wife at Duffy's.



Derek Shelton, MLB manager and GC

Derek Shelton- General contractor. Father of the #1 HS QB in the country. "Derek Jr. isn't signing anywhere unless he's starting as a freshman."



Oliver Marmol, MLB manager and one-hit wonder

Oliver Marmol- Latin hip-hop one hit wonder from the early 2000s.



David Ross, MLB manager and firefighter

David Ross- Retired firefighter.


NL West

Gabe Kapler, MLB manager and soap star

Gabe Kapler- Longtime soap opera star struggling to be taken seriously in other roles.



Dave Roberts, MLB manager and motivational speaker

Dave Roberts- Motivational speaker. Releases a self-help book seemingly every year.



Bud Black, MLB manager and US History teacher

Bud Black- US History teacher and head women's volleyball coach.



Bob Melvin, MLB manager and realtor

Bob Melvin- Realtor. Has four daughters whose names all start with the same letter.



Torey Lovullo, MLB manager and actor

Torey Lovullo- Former leading man who now struggles to get roles in Hollywood due to his outspoken far-right political views.


AL East

Aaron Boone, MLB manager and comedian

Aaron Boone- Comedian with one schtick that's mostly played out.



Alex Cora, MLB manager and travel baseball guru

Alex Cora- Owner and founder of a huge travel baseball academy. Drives a chrome-plated green Jeep with enormous wheels.



John Schneider, MLB manager and arm wrestler

John Schneider- Local arm wrestling champion. Will occasionally sing country covers at the same pub where he arm wrestles.



Brandon Hyde, MLB manager and demo man

Brandon Hyde- Your uncle who beats you at every game on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Does demolitions.



Kevin Cash, MLB manager and Spanish teacher

Kevin Cash- HS Spanish teacher, was considered the cutest teacher for a while.


AL Central

Pedro Grifol, MLB manager and pharmacist

Pedro Grifol- Head pharmacist at a CVS.



Rocco Baldelli, MLB manager and humanities teacher

Rocco Baldelli- HS Humanities teacher. Displaced Kevin Cash as the cutest teacher on staff.



Terry Francona, MLB manager and used car lot owner

Terry Francona- Owns a used car lot. "You name it, Big Terry's got it!"



AJ Hinch, MLB manager and attorney

A.J. Hinch- Running for DA for the 13th Judicial Court of Florida. Hoping his former secretary doesn't ruin his campaign with her "heinous and categorically false" allegations.



Matt Quatraro, MLB manager and Christian radio host

Matt Quatraro- Radio host of a Christian rock and gospel station.


AL West

Bruce Bochy, MLB manager and burger joint owner

Bruce Bochy- Owner of the town's most beloved burger joint. "Can't beat a Bochy Burger!"



Dusty Baker, MLB manager and bass player

Dusty Baker- Renowned double bassist who's played with every big jazz name you've ever heard of.



Scott Servais, MLB manager and physician

Scott Servais- Physician who owns his own practice and drives a white Porsche. Also a wine snob.



Phil Nevin, MLB manager and drummer

Phil Nevin- Drummer of the country's #1 Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet cover band.



Mark Kotsay, MLB manager and marine/podcaster

Mark Kotsay- Ex-Marine-turned-podcaster. Kid Rock's brother.



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