What 2023's MLB managers would do for a living if they weren't skippers.
The Morning Blitz did a similar bit a few months ago, about NFL head coaches. This inspired me. Here's what the 2023 crop of MLB managers look like they do for a living, if they weren't writing lineup cards.
NOTE: some of these guys have been fired and/or have moved onto different teams. These look-alikes are about the managers of the 2023 season.
Skip Schumaker- Head trainer at your local YouFit.
Buck Showalter- Legendary college football coach, recently fired after allegations of player abuse.
Brian Snitker- Played the dopey neighbor on a popular '80s sitcom.
Rob Thomson- Buck Showalter's longtime DC who replaced him as HC after Buck got canned.
Dave Martinez- Owns a nightclub. Big Affliction t-shirt guy.
Craig Counsell- Health and longevity influencer. Hasn't had a sip of alcohol since '88. Loves his toe shoes.
David Bell- Youth pastor. Allegedly never curses, though some claim to have seen him in a filthy shouting match with his wife at Duffy's.
Derek Shelton- General contractor. Father of the #1 HS QB in the country. "Derek Jr. isn't signing anywhere unless he's starting as a freshman."
Oliver Marmol- Latin hip-hop one hit wonder from the early 2000s.
David Ross- Retired firefighter.
Gabe Kapler- Longtime soap opera star struggling to be taken seriously in other roles.
Dave Roberts- Motivational speaker. Releases a self-help book seemingly every year.
Bud Black- US History teacher and head women's volleyball coach.
Bob Melvin- Realtor. Has four daughters whose names all start with the same letter.
Torey Lovullo- Former leading man who now struggles to get roles in Hollywood due to his outspoken far-right political views.
Aaron Boone- Comedian with one schtick that's mostly played out.
Alex Cora- Owner and founder of a huge travel baseball academy. Drives a chrome-plated green Jeep with enormous wheels.
John Schneider- Local arm wrestling champion. Will occasionally sing country covers at the same pub where he arm wrestles.
Brandon Hyde- Your uncle who beats you at every game on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Does demolitions.
Kevin Cash- HS Spanish teacher, was considered the cutest teacher for a while.
Pedro Grifol- Head pharmacist at a CVS.
Rocco Baldelli- HS Humanities teacher. Displaced Kevin Cash as the cutest teacher on staff.
Terry Francona- Owns a used car lot. "You name it, Big Terry's got it!"
A.J. Hinch- Running for DA for the 13th Judicial Court of Florida. Hoping his former secretary doesn't ruin his campaign with her "heinous and categorically false" allegations.
Matt Quatraro- Radio host of a Christian rock and gospel station.
Bruce Bochy- Owner of the town's most beloved burger joint. "Can't beat a Bochy Burger!"
Dusty Baker- Renowned double bassist who's played with every big jazz name you've ever heard of.
Scott Servais- Physician who owns his own practice and drives a white Porsche. Also a wine snob.
Phil Nevin- Drummer of the country's #1 Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet cover band.
Mark Kotsay- Ex-Marine-turned-podcaster. Kid Rock's brother.