If the Miami Marlins had Top Gun-Style Call Signs

Go see Top Gun: Maverick ASAP. As for the Marlins...they can wait.

Top Gun: Maverick is the biggest movie of the year and is pretty much unanimously loved by critics and regular fans alike. This film truly has nothing to do with the Miami Marlins, who take years off my life with every blown save. But it is fun to come up with call signs, especially tongue-in-cheek ones (almost all of them).


So that's what we're doing.

 

Garrett Cooper, Call Sign "White Walker"


Too easy. The Marlins' 1B/DH has porcelain skin and leads all regulars in OBP, at a robust .382. It also helps that he has a striking resemblance to Ser Brienne of Tarth, further adding to the Game of Thrones angle.


Jazz Chisholm Jr., Call Sign "Peacock"

He's colorful. He's a showoff. He's not going to bend or change for anyone. Kinda like a peacock.


Sandy Alcantara, Call Sign "Criollo"


The Criollo, a breed of horse from Argentina, is known for its extreme durability and dependability. They rarely get sick, can withstand the heat and the cold, and have a motor like no other. You knew Sandy's call sign had to have something to do with a horse, because that's what he is for the Marlins. The Argentine Criollo is perfect.


Pablo Lopez, Call Sign "Dolphin"


Pablo Lopez is known for being upbeat and cerebral, just like dolphins. He's also bald...also like dolphins.


Miguel Rojas, Call Sign "Block Party"


If you're not familiar with Miguel Rojas's social media habits, well, it's probably 'cause you're blocked. He does it a lot. I'm not blocked, but I definitely will be if he ever gets wind of his unflattering call sign.


Jorge Soler, Call Sign "Mortar"


Like a mortar, Jorge Soler does tremendous amounts of damage when he hits his target; in this case, the ball. But he doesn't always hit it.


Avisail Garcia, Call Sign "5 O'Clock"


On-field batting practice for a night game generally starts around 5. When a guy puts on a show in BP, then doesn't produce in the game, that's called a "5 o'clock hitter," which is all Avisail Garcia has been since he put on a Marlins uni.


Jesus Aguilar, Call Sign "Grizzly"

Aguilar is massive and goes through long stretches of inactivity/unproductiveness. Like a grizzly bear.


Jesus Sanchez, Call Sign "Toro"


He's as strong as a bull. He also plays like a bull in a china shop sometimes (a lot of times).


Trevor Rogers, Call Sign "Bitcoin"


His value rose and rose and rose, then plummeted just as quickly as it soared. Will it bounce back?


Jacob Stallings, Call Sign "Krav Maga"


Krav Maga. One of the simplest and most defensive martial arts. Doesn't offer much in terms of attack. Jacob Stallings: Krav Maga Master.


Elieser Hernandez, Call Sign "Ikea"


No one serves up meatballs like Elieser Hernandez.


Anthony Bass, Call Sign "Oyster"

When you first tried oysters, you probably didn't like them. In fact, you probably thought they were terrible. Then little by little, they started to grow on you. Oysters are an acquired taste, like Anthony Bass.


Jon Berti, Call Sign "Wolverine"


Jon Berti is undersized, scrappy as hell, has sweet facial hair, is from Michigan, and ran on all fours while stealing home once. All signs point towards "Wolverine" in one way or another.

 

I obviously didn't do the entire roster. Let me know if there are any other Marlins who deserve their own Top Gun-style call signs.


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