top of page

Nutshell: Cagada Ratings for the Miami Heat and Miami Marlins

Is the Miami Heat being in the Finals and the Miami Marlins being in the playoffs...una cagada?

There are two sports teams that seem to have everyone, experts included, scratching their heads recently: the Miami Marlins and the Miami Heat.

Now, I'm all for it as a Miami native. The Heat are three wins away from winning the NBA Finals as an 8-seed and the Marlins sit at 32-28 and in a Wild Card spot as of me writing this. But something about both of these runs seems a little, I'll call it, fortuitous. Others in Miami-Dade County would call it...una cagada.

This isn't really one that translates well, as it literally means "a shit." But when you hear this phrase in South Florida, you know someone just did something incredible and improbable. A cagada, essentially, occurs when you figuratively pull something out of your ass. A beer pong shot that bounces off one cup and goes into another. Hitting on a five-leg NBA parlay that includes the opening tip. That time Marcus Mariota threw a touchdown pass to himself. Cagadas. You're welcome, if I'm just adding this to your vernacular.

Have the Miami Heat and Miami Marlins been one big cagada as of late?


Miami Heat Cagada Rating: 3/10

"Unsustainable" has been a word thrown around since the Heat upended the 1-seed Bucks in five games. The shooting would cool off. They're effort on defense would wear them out. The size disparity between them and their opponents would catch up to them. we are approaching Game 3 of the Finals and it hasn't happened yet. The Bucks, Knicks, and Celtics were all superior on paper, yet the Heat's grittiness, shot-making, and coaching seemed to outweigh their flaws.

Every team, no matter how dominant they are, needs at least a modicum of good fortune to win a title. But in the Heat's case, much of their recent surge could be attributed to simply figuring things out at the right time. This can take a while when you have only two All-Stars and a litany of role players, as there are far more matchups and lineups for a head coach to consider. Spo has clearly found his touch, as the results indicate.

Not a cagada, says this completely unbiased sports fan.


Miami Marlins Cagada Rating: 7.5/10

Thiiiis one is harder to defend. The Marlins are 26th in runs scored and 16th in runs allowed. Their run differential is putrid, yet they're 32-28; when they win, they win tight games, and when they lose, they get blown out. They are leading the league in double plays on offense, by a wide margin, and are 26th in home runs. Their top three starters in Sandy Alcantara, Jesus Luzardo, and Edward Cabrera have combined for a 4.57 ERA.

The Marlins bullpen has been very good and is an enormous part of their success. And Skip Schumaker seems to have the makings of an excellent big league manager. However, if your starters are mediocre and all your lineup does is pound the ball into the ground, you won't go far. There needs to be an adjustment in the hitters' and starting pitchers' approach, particularly Sandy. He simply must find his form.

Math usually wins across a 162-game season. Winning one-run games is a fickle beast that's been extraordinarily kind to them so far. Grounding into double plays and inconsistent starting pitching will be the 2023 Miami Marlins' eventual undoing, unless things change.

I, sadly, smell una cagada.

Subscribe now for updates on the latest and greatest banter from the Peanut Gallery!

Recent Posts


  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter


Pop Culture

bottom of page